My daughter is ashamed of me.

Here’s what I hate: my daughter is ashamed of me.

On Wednesday, my kindergartener asked if I would come up to the school and eat lunch with her.  Sure!  I said.  My third grader asked if I could eat lunch with her too.  “How about tomorrow?” I offered.  She seemed fine with that plan.

So, after a fun (slightly messy) lunch at the kindergarten table, I hugged Alexis goodbye and was going to exit the school.  But, once I was in the hallway, I decided I should pop down the hall to my older daughter’s room just to say a quick hello as a surprise.

I reached her door and peered through the rectangular window.  A fellow student  alerted Abbey that her mom was at the door.  I cracked the door open a bit and stuck my head in and gave a quick wave.  Abbey barely turned around.  She gave a half-hearted wave back and then I left so as not to disturb the class.

That was that.

However, that evening at dinner, the youngest was bragging to my husband that I had been up to the school to eat lunch with her.  I mentioned that I also got to stick my head into Abbey’s class to say “hi.” 

“Yeah,”  Abbey groaned and rolled her eyes—“I was so embarrassed!” 

I furrowed my eyebrows.  “Embarrassed??  Why??”  I tried to think back to my quick wave into her classroom.  Did I act goofy?  What was I wearing?  Had I had something in my teeth?

“Because,” Abbey went on, “everyone was making fun of me that my mom came to say Hi like I was a little baby or something!”  She was truly troubled.

My face flushed red.  I couldn’t even muster up the strength to tell her that perhaps the other kids were actually jealous that their mothers didn’t come to the school that day…My husband tried—he said, “Who cares what other people think!?”

“I do.”  Asserted Abbey flatly.

I was deeply hurt.  This is the first time that Abbey has ever been embarrassed by me.  I’m sure it will not be the last, but it brought out the worst in my sinful spirit.  I thought to myself, You’re embarrassed by me?  Fine!  See if I ever say hi to you in public again!  See if I come to lunch even if you want me to!  No, I’m done being your mom in public—I wouldn’t want to embarrass you!  

I truly thought all of those things.  Man, I’m such a nice mom, eh?

I think it was after I relayed my story to my two sweet friends later that evening that I felt the nudge concerning being ashamed…

The Lord reminded me of when Peter denied knowing Christ (three times!)  Sure, he was fearing for his very life, but what has my excuse been when I pretend not to know Jesus during crucial moments?  I’m probably protecting my social life in some way. 

Just like Peter, there have been times when I have not spoken up--times when I’ve felt ashamed to say that I’m a Christian.  And times when others have made fun of me—like I’m a baby needing religion as a crutch or something.

Further more, haven’t I been ashamed by Abbey before?  Haven’t I been embarrassed by my children's behavior!?  Yes, I have.  In fact, when I realized that she was ashamed of me, I was ashamed that she would feel so insecure—that she would care so much about what others think.

Maybe that’s why Jesus said, For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in His glory.  Maybe just like I want Abbey to be okay with being identified with me, Jesus wants us to have the faith and confidence to be identified with Him.

Even when Jesus feels ashamed by our shame, He doesn’t leave us.  He forgave Peter.  He forgives us.

So, I’ve decided not to completely abandon Abbey. (I bet you are relieved.) Maybe I’ll even try to keep my distance if that’s what she wants me to do around her friends for the next ten years or so.  But, I will always come running when she’s ready.  I will always be available to encourage her when she needs it.  With God’s grace, I’ll show her unconditional love even if she’s ashamed of me.

Of course I'd love it if Abbey would feel confident in her relationship with me: happy that I'm there, proud to introduce me as her mom.  I'm sure that the Lord wants that too--for me to be happy that He's in my life and proud to introduce Him as my Father.

So, I need to ask for forgiveness for the times I’ve acted as though I’m embarrassed to know Christ.  From now on, I’ll try to live my life with genuine thanks for His presence.  I will pray for the boldness of heart required to say with Paul I am not ashamed of the gospel…(for it is the power of God! for salvation to everyone who believes!)