I'm not perfect. A good cleaning.

Here’s what I hate: I am not perfect.

Not exactly a newsflash, I know. But, I hate when things happen, or rather, when I do things that reveal the glaring truth of my afore mentioned imperfection.

For example: on Tuesday, I told my eight year old to shut up. (Nice, huh?)

It was right when I was dropping the girls off for school. Abigail mentioned that her backpack felt lighter than usual.

“Uh-oh,” I said, “do you have your notebook?”

“What notebook?” She demanded.

“Your folder, the big folder.” I explained.

“What folder?” She asked incredulously.

“Your big folder/notebook thing, the main notebook you carry with your agenda in it that I have to sign every night!”

“You mean my BINDER?” She asked with huge drawn out emphasis on the “I” in “binder—showing me that I had not been using the correct terminology even though she knew what I was talking about the entire time.

That’s when I had had enough.

“ShuT uP Abigail.” I emphasized the “T” and the “P” to mimic her rudeness.

The problem (besides my meanness) was that right at that moment, it was time for her to jump out of the car. We had reached the door of the school. So, that was that. I think I managed to try to say “Bye sweetie, have a nice day…” Or something semi-nice. But, I imagined that my hateful command rang in her ears and that I was pretty much the worst mother in the world. Sure, she was being sassy as all get out, but I am the adult. I am supposed to remain calm and kind at all times.

I felt terrible.

I am not a perfect mother. I never dreamed I was. But, I just hate when I make big blunders in childrearing that emphasize how horrible I can be.

Here’s what I love: a good cleaning.

While I was cleaning the upstairs bathroom the other day, I closed the door and swept out the gunk that gets behind there and then mopped it. I also gave those base boards a good wipe-down. It feels good to get something clean that hasn’t been cleaned in a while.

It was while I was working on this little cleaning project that I realized some things about confession of my sin. Confession is simply agreeing with God that what I did (like telling my daughter to shut up), is a sin. It’s when we stop justifying what we did (but she was being so sassy!) and just say we messed up. It means funneling the guilt we might be feeling (I am the worst mother in the world) into a request for God’s cleansing and help.

I think this gives God glory. In asking for God to wash me and for His help not to act like an eight year old right back at my sassy eight year old, I am admitting that I can’t do it on my own. If I could do it on my own, then I would get the glory. Sometimes, that’s what we strive for. We read parenting books, make resolutions, count to ten before responding to our children, etc. But, no matter how good we might be for a time, we are always going to mess up in one area or another.

Just as my bathroom floor can’t clean itself, I can’t cleanse my heart from the ugliness of the various sins I commit. I also don’t think I can make myself stop screwing up. I need God’s help. I need God to cleanse me. See, when I recognize this, I am acknowledging His place of authority and greatness and my place of humility and inability. It says that God is God and I am not. (Der.)

Sin is just like soap scum or oven grease. It builds up over time if we don’t do a good daily wipe-down. That’s why it’s a good idea to ask for cleansing each day. Take a moment right when you’ve messed up to ask for forgiveness. (If you don’t ask for forgiveness right away, it’s a little bit like spilling pink lemonade all over the floor and just waiting ‘til the next day or week to clean it up…not the best choice.)

OR, close your eyes for a few minutes at the end of each day and ask God to show you the dirty spots in your life from that day and ask Him to clean them up and help you not do it tomorrow.

Then, breathe easy. That sin is gone, your heart is a nice, shiny, clean blank slate once more.

Oh, and you might want to also apologize to your daughter for telling her to shut up…chances are, she’ll forgive you and learn what to do when she messes up.

Prov. 20:9 Who can say "I have kept my heart pure, I am clean and without sin"?

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, God is faithful and true and will forgive our sins and completely cleanse us of all, every, each, the entirety of sin we have ever committed. (paraphrased by me.)