My Crazy Brain. Unknowns.

Here’s what I love: my crazy brain.

A couple of days ago, I dropped an almond in my car—down through that crack into the unreachable abyss.  I wondered if perhaps there was enough dirt under the seat for the almond to perhaps sprout into an almond tree.  That might be convenient should I need a snack in the car.  Then I thought that maybe instead, the almond would mate with the waffle fry that was also stuck down there and they would create some sort of waffle-almond-fry that could be tasty. 

You see?  These are the crazy thoughts I have whilst driving around in my messy car. 

However, these days, my brain doesn’t give me much time to have crazy almond-fry thoughts, instead, my thoughts revolve around MOVING.

I’m sure you know this is true since I’ve mentioned it in almost every blog since January.  But, it’s a consuming business and I must write about it to process all the unknowns.

Here’s what I hate:

Unknowns. 

This is what I spend all my time thinking about.  Which is tricky, because how exactly do you think about something you don’t know?   Well, I’ll tell you:  you simply think about all the things you don’t know and wonder how you can ever know them.

Now that we’ve sold our house, will the inspection go okay?  ‘ don’t know.

If the inspection doesn’t go well, will the buyers back out?  ‘ don’t know.

If they don’t back out and we do get to move, where will we get boxes?  ‘ don’t know.

Will we have to put stuff in storage? ‘ don’t know.

After we pack, where will we move?  ‘ don’t know.  DON’T KNOW!

Now, we do have some sort of rough sketch dream answers to these questions, but nothing is set in stone.  NOTHING.  It’s all still up in the air freaking me out by being all mythical and unknown.

One particularly unnerving unknown is our dream house, which we may or may not be able to get.  I hesitate to even tell y’all about this because I so want to be telling you in the context of:  Guess what God did you guys?!—we get to move into an amazing house which is just exactly what we would have picked and all the details* behind this are uncanny and you will not believe how sweet this is! 

*(Details like cabinet color, exterior paint, and a rental—I really want to tell y’all about these cool, crazy things! Hopefully later, I will!)

But, instead, I am telling you in the context of: You guys!--There is this awesome house being built that is exactly what we would pick and we MIGHT be able to get it if everything works out, but even though it seems just right, I am incredibly faithless because I am constantly living in fear that someone else will snatch this house from us while we await the closing of our current house.

This is all extremely stressful and emotional. 

At times, I remind myself that God brought us this far and He must surely have a plan and that His plans are trustworthy and good and that even if we don’t get our way, we will still be more than okay since we are walking with Him.

Other times, I pretty much cry and freak out and doubt and moan about the thought of having my heart (in the form of a house) ripped out.

And still other times, I get sick of thinking about packing and moving and getting a new house and I just want to think about almond-fries and go to bed.

Finally, I think about this:

Philippians 4:8

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Who is excellent and worthy of praise?  Namely, Jesus.  When I fix my eyes on Him, everything else grows strangely dim. (As the song goes.) 

Deep breath.  No more thoughts of boxes, houses, storage, inspections, unknowns, or even almond-fries.  Just thoughts of a faithful, loving Father—a calm presence and a constant strength.  Joy-giver. Promise-keeper.  Protector.  Provider and Friend. 

I look into those eyes and feel strangely calm.  We could live in a dumpster as long as I am in the shadow of His presence.  

I try hard to peer into the black unknown out ahead of me.  I see nothing.  But, my hand in His, I know He’ll lead us exactly where we need to go.  One step at a time.