Surprises After Fifteen Years

He is my Prince Charming!

Here's what I love: surprises after fifteen years.

I’ve been married for fifteen years to the same man and I just found something out that I never knew about him.  The other night after dinner, we sat at the kitchen island chatting, and out of nowhere, I noticed his ears wiggle. 

“You just wiggled your ears!”  I exclaimed.

So, he promptly did it again.

“I—I had no idea.”  My eyebrows drooped into shock and concern. 

“How did I not know this!?” 

Of course, my playful husband said nothing, but kept wiggling his ears. 

“How did I not know this about you!?”  I said again with dismay. 

Then we both laughed.

“I can’t wiggle my ears.”  I said concentrating very hard as if I were trying to move them.

“You also can’t do ‘taco tongue,’” he declared. (that’s our pet name for that genetic gifting where one can roll one’s tongue up at the sides). 

“Ugh!”  I groaned.

Then, of course he stuck out his perfect ‘taco tongue’ and wiggled his ears at the same time.

Charming.

The level of talent is staggering.

And there you have it.  Something I didn’t know about my husband after fifteen years of living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and parenting two little girls with genetic mutations talents of their own.

And you know what?  That’s probably not the only thing I don’t know about him.  After all, there are almost certainly things he doesn’t know about me.  For example, he doesn’t know that I didn’t think I was in love with him on our wedding day.

Bomb.  Dropped.

Okay, let me explain—

On the morning of our wedding day, I woke up super excited!  I hadn’t gotten much sleep, but that didn’t matter.  I put on my favorite song, scarfed down some breakfast (because I have to eat breakfast to function), and pranced around the  house with the morning sun streaming in.  Here is what my 22 year-old brain was thinking:  “I’m a bride today!!!”

I.

I.

That is what I was thinking about—myself.

I got myself ready.  I was rude to bridesmaids who were trying to help me find my lost earring.  I was only reminded of Bill when the videographer asked me to say a little message to Bill for the wedding video.  I hate being put on the spot, but I managed to gather my thoughts and realize that there was another person involved in this wedding. 

Oh, yes, the groom.  I should probably be thinking about him too.

I looked into the camera and said some sweet, sentimental message, which I made up on the spot, but was absolutely true.  I knew Bill was the man I was supposed to marry and I loved him very much.

But wait—you say—I thought you said you didn’t love him.

I said, “I didn’t THINK I was IN love with him.”

Yep, sounds tragic, doesn’t it.

You see, I had this general messed up view of what “true love” was.  In my young brain, being in love meant romance and swooning and heartache and butterflies and drama—especially drama.  Romantic love was supposed to be dramatically brain-consuming, heart-searing stuff.  But, with Bill, there was no drama.  Bill was steady.  Bill was caring.  Bill was kind.  Bill was true.  Bill was faithful.  Bill was strong.  DO NOT HEAR ME SAY THAT BILL WAS BORING!—far from it. Bill was fun and funny and fiery.  He may have been disciplined, but he was also passionate. 

These were all good things, I knew that.  But, I thought that part of me wanted dramatic, agonizing love.  Tragic love—like Romeo and Juliet.  Whereas, I thought Bill and I had “romantic comedy” kind of love.  You know, the sort of movie where you know that the two people are supposed to be together and in the end, they get together.  La.  It’s happy, but, slightly…….shallow.

So, there you have it.  I thought that the “love” we had was small, proper, and predictable. 

Here comes the bride…

I glided down the aisle smiling at guests and beaming at the joy of the fun wedding ceremony about to take place.  You heard me right:  I was smiling at guests.  Nodding at them as if I were the queen.  Nearing the front, I noticed Bill looking directly at me. 

Oh, yeah!—I should be looking at him!  Ha!  We locked eyes.  My smile widened.  Oh, how lucky I felt.  Truly—I was so excited to be marrying this man!   And yet, a microscopic thought endeavored to fly into my brain…. “but you are not IN love with him…”

That is when I realized that this thought was not coming from me.  It was not coming from my heart or my brain.  It was a thought coming from a Liar who would like nothing more than to sabotage, not just my wedding, but my entire marriage.

A dear pastor/friend welcomed the guests and prayed over us.  I mulled over what was about to happen.  I prayed that God would grow TRUE love in me.  I realized my selfishness and silently dedicated myself to being correctly focused in the rest of the ceremony.  No more wondering if my veil looked right or noticing if someone came in late.  After all, I kept saying that I wanted a marriage, not just a wedding—

So, I stepped up to the threshold of the doorway to the magical land of marriage and looked inside.  Funnily, I didn’t see myself—that’s because there is no room for selfishness in a good marriage. 

I locked eyes with Bill.

I made solemn promises.

Then, in true romantic fashion, we stole words from Elizabeth Barrett Browning and alternated saying some of the lines from her famous sonnet.

When it was my turn to say one of the last lines, I had to choke back tears. 

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

It was somewhere in those lines that I was given a glimpse into true love.  I used to think that people couldn’t help who they loved—that they just fell in accidentally.  But, if you fall in, I guess you can fall out.  No, no, TRUE love is chosen. 

In the middle of my wedding ceremony, I realized that the love Bill and I shared was far deeper than any tragic, fairytale romance.  Instead, it was held out as a gift from Above.  So, on June 5^th, 1999, we officially accepted the gift—a multi-facetted, living, breathing, mysterious love

conceived by a choice,

enriched by a promise,

and developed over time by faithfulness. 

Now, fifteen years later, I realize that, while I thought that the love we had wasn’t deep enough, it was actually deeper than I could fathom or understand.  And the joy we felt as we skipped down the aisle after the ceremony, was just a teeny taste of the delightful elation to come.  And I’m not just talking about the Honeymoon…!—I’m talking about 15 years of challenges and arguments and frustrations and worries and trials and sadness and uncertainties and misunderstandings.  What?  You thought I said joy.  Well, these did bring joy—because in all the hardships we clung to the One who could help us keep our promises to one another. 

And moment by moment, day by day, year by year, God wove a chord of true love around our enmeshed hearts. 

Tonight, that man with the auburn goatee and the ears that wiggle will walk through the door of our dream house.  I will make tacos and he will do the dishes.  We will talk about our days and we will giggle with our girls.  Maybe nothing particularly noteworthy will happen, but true love will remain.

True love will continue to grow—but every day we must

choose it, 

and nurture it with intentionality and  

grace.