In the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I was not feeling very filled with thanks. Oh I knew I was grateful for family and friends and food...(the 3 F-words of Thanksgiving). I just wasn't feeling all the warm fuzzy thanking feelings.
I guess it is a little bit like being told to laugh or cry on command. It's difficult to do if you're just not "feeling" it.
Thanksgiving can be a bit that way--people telling you to be thankful and grateful and give thanks for all our amazing first-world blessings.--Being careful to list the intangible things like peace and love and memories over our cars and homes. Cars and homes can be on your list too, but only if they are way at the bottom and said with humility not indicating brand or size.
With all these constraints on my thanks and all these unwritten rules, I just wasn't feeling any real gratitude and it was scaring me.
I approached the day of Thanksgiving with timidity. Like a guilty puppy, I confessed my feelings to my friend Diana. Although she seemed surprised by my lack of thanks, I have confessed worse things to her, so she heard me out. There were a couple of factors playing into my low gratitude levels and our conversation was extremely helpful.
What I realized is that it's called thanks-GIVING, not thanks-FEELING. And while my heart might be feeling mysteriously void of thanks, my brain was full of it.
So, maybe if I go through the motions of intentionally giving thanks, maybe my heart will catch up...
So, I started with the Bible. Psalm 105:1-5 is full of commands about giving thanks. I decided to dissect it. Apparently, seeking God is all tied up in thanking Him. And seeking and thanking and singing to God brings Him glory and makes our hearts glad!
So, I started in--seeking God's face and remembering what He has done. That process cracked a door in my hard heart. Then, Diana sent me Psalm 118:29 another command to GIVE THANKS. I questioned: can you give thanks if you don't FEEL it?
But, before I could answer that question, I read the verse above. Verse 28 is equally simple, but was a profound turning point for me.
You are MY God.
This one phrase gradually warmed my cold heart and all of a sudden, I FELT overwhelmingly grateful for one thing: God. A personal creator who made a way for continued relationship with Him.
It wasn't a list of all His many blessings or even His faithfulness which filled my heart with thanks--it was simply Him.
It seems cliché and churchy to put God at the top of my thankful list and it would be. But, He's not at the top. He blew the list away. While I was busy trying to muster up feelings of thanks for His many blessings, the Lord Himself showed up and filled up my heart.
I feel I've done a poor job of explaining it to you, but I am more thankful this year than ever before!
And now, the day after Thanksgiving, I am overflowing with gratitude--my heart is absolutely full of awe over the presence and reality of Jesus. Now, it's beginning to fill up with feelings of gratitude for specific people in my life,
for years of joy,
for lessons,
and strength.
My heart is now so full of gratitude, there's nothing left to do but give thanks--flinging it all around, dancing 'round the room excitedly singing words of thanks to my father who blesses me beyond comprehension.
Everyone everywhere was telling me to give thanks, but it was God himself that filled me with gratitude.
Thank you Di for talking it through with me and thank you God for penetrating my cold heart.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
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