The Problem With a Sixteen Year Old Marriage

We are actually nineteen in this photo, but that's
pretty close to sixteen.

Our marriage turns sixteen today.

Sweet sixteen.

Young enough to be beautiful, vibrant, healthy and yet, old enough to think you know everything.

Teenagers think they are invincible. They've made it this far with nary a broken arm, so they feel like they can do pretty much anything.

Teenagers are know-it-alls with only bits of respect for elders--as long as the elders have some sort of “cool factor.”

By this age, they are able to go where they want. They might make their own money and have very few responsibilities.

They think they know what they are doing. They think they have it all figured out. They are confident, cocky almost.

A sixteen-year-old marriage can be a bit like this—old enough to feel like we know it all.  A sixteen-year-old marriage has none of the depth of a twenty-five year old marriage. When a person turns 25 they realize they know next to nothing. They are humbled. They are sometimes scared; they realize their parents were right. They find new levels of respect for elders.

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Don't get me wrong, many teens are lovely.  There are 15-year-olds who have composed symphonies!  Some teenagers and even kids can accomplish amazing things.

These particular kids are hard working.

They are intentional.

They are alert.

They are talented. 

And actually, they are gifted.

If our marriage has had some success or been an example to marriages younger than our own, it is a gift. I feel that the Lord has guided our union in symphonic ways. We have weathered storms, we have had wise counsel, we have had countless prayers lifted on our behalf.   So, here we sit, a smiling sixteen year old with great grades, impressive extracurriculars, and a shining future.

Our marriage can drive now. It's going places.

Our marriage has fallen in and out of love enough to find staying power outside of itself. (In God alone). Our marriage is passionate and full of dreams. Our marriage is confident and excited about life.

Toddler marriages may struggle--just learning how to walk--sporting bruises from all the little falls.

Five-year-old marriages get to kindergarten and see the potential in all there is to learn.

Seven-year-old marriages race counterparts on the playground and often run out of steam because they don't know how to pace themselves.

Ten-year-old marriages celebrate double digits with youthful ignorance.

Thirteen-year-old marriages sometimes falter in the trap of middle school drama--getting upset over nothing or confused with the onset of puberty.

But, our marriage is a whopping sixteen!

We’ve made it through all those rocky early years.

Two-year-old marriages look up to us.  (Or they just think we’re old.)

We look at the darling little newborn marriages and sigh. Aren't they the cutest things you've ever seen? And their problems are as simplistic as figuring out when to eat and sleep.

And what are our problems?  They might be like any sixteen-year-old’s problems.  Mainly social--figuring out who to hang out with, missing old friends.  Maybe not having enough money is an issue or figuring out how to handle it wisely as we learn about new expenses popping up every day. (Ah-hem, college fund??)

I can hear my future marriage telling this teenage marriage to stay sharp.  Quit thinking you have it all together.  Have more respect for your elders.  Seek wise counsel.  It’s good that you are enjoying life, but try to think of others too.  Be thankful.  Give God credit for your successes and praise Him for healing your failures. 

You may think life is hard now, but just wait. 

AND

You may think life is wonderful now, but just wait.

Sixteen is a crazy, awkward, glorious age.  It can be difficult.  It can be sexy.  It can be irritating.  It can be fun.  It can be hopeful.  It can be silly.  It can be moody.  It can be sporty.  It can be smart.  It can be youthful.  It can be mature.  It can be trying. 

In my mind’s eye, my thirty-five-year old marriage walks up to my sixteen-year-old marriage and smiles.  She takes the teen’s hands and looks her square in the eyes.  The sixteen year old leans in expecting sage advice or maybe even a reprimand.  The thirty-five year old tilts her head a bit and says:

Just keep growing.