Feeling Overwhelmed

Here's what I hate: feeling overwhelmed. Here's what I love: gentle realizations from my loving Father.

I say that I have this really rock solid faith—like I have this super-awesomely deep relationship with the Lord—I’m always praying to Him, thanking Him, talking to Him about daily things, teaching His Word to my children, studying what He has to say, seeking Him in church and out. It’s great…until there is a bump in the road. This week has tossed more than a few stressors my way.

One—Bill is working non-stop. I mean, seriously—14 hour days at work, plus 3 hours of patient documentation notes each night. He gets about 5 hours of sleep and then wakes up to do it all again. Now, I am not having to live that life style. I got 8 hours of sleep, I got to each lunch today—he didn’t even sit down ‘til 2:30 in the afternoon. However, I am feeling some stress from his work schedule, because I am handling everything at home by myself. I am down a team-mate and minus a friend this week.

Two—I volunteered with the PTA to help get some area businesses to donate items for Abbey’s elementary school silent auction. This has entailed about 27 phone calls (each time with the same spiel), plus, running around town to the businesses themselves etc. Adding this to one of my normal, idyllic weeks of yoga and house-keeping, and play-dates wouldn’t really be a big deal, but this week…I am down a team-member AND I have a few other stressors as well…

Three—Getting ready for a big car trip. When we moved to Nashville from Houston last summer, we had to drive both of our cars up. It took 2 full days—each day taking about 2 hours longer than it normally would. I swore that I’d NEVER do that drive again. Then, I began pricing plane tickets for our spring break visit back to Houston—since I don’t want to give my left kidney to purchase 4 plane tickets, here we are less than a year later, gearing up to do that drive AGAIN. Planning for any trip with children takes work. I have to pack their stuff and mine, make sure I have snacks, lovies, toothbrushes, favorite toys etc. and since we are driving, I must brainstorm and implement 157 things to do on a twenty-two hour car ride.

Four—Taxes. Bill did the bulk of the work on this horrid item last week. He spent 2+ hours with Turbo Tax figuring out our 2010 taxes, which included two houses and 3 jobs in two states. Big fun. Thank the Lord he persevered to get that all done! However, we are down to needing some documentation…one option being a form that I spent over an hour in our attic today trying to find (and more hours than I care to mention worrying about).

This brings me back to my real problem. My lack of faith. Here I sit for 98% of the year in my cozy house with my healthy kids, loving husband, steady income, great friends, awesome church, and pretty-much cake lifestyle—then I get dealt a few hiccups in my normally tranquil little life and I freak out. I get the “worry wrinkle” on my forehead. I walk around feeling overwhelmed. I ask for prayer. I yell at my kids out of frustration because of the “stress” in my life. I mean really, we are not talking death of family, pestilence, and boils like Job. We are talking busy spouse, volunteering, vacation, and taxes. Also known as LIFE. Instead of using the scriptures I’ve been studying to ease my worry, I panic and cry. Instead of asking the Lord for strength and wisdom, I complain to friends and to Bill. Instead of taking a deep breath and working as for the Lord, I fret and get lazy and want to crawl under the blanket and quit.

I look pretty ridiculous if you ask Job.

Because, even though I am not “cursing God” like Job’s wife advised him to do, I am not trusting Him or glorifying Him. Another word for “glorify” is “magnify”—I could be magnifying God in my own heart by trusting Him, but instead I am making Him smaller. By worrying about all of this, I am acting like God’s not big enough to take care of it. I am making Him seem far away by acting like He doesn’t care about these “little” issues in my life. But, He does care. I believe He does. I believe that He loves me and He will guide me through this. Maybe, part of guiding me through this begins with His gift of realization that my faith is too small.

I mean, if I am freaking out over vacation-planning and volunteering, what in the world will my reaction be if something more serious strikes my pretty-little life?!

Deep breath Elisabeth. Open your eyes to the big God you say you know. Cry out to Him and not to FaceBook. Ask for His wisdom, His help, His strength and then have enough sense to take His hand and stop worrying. On the other side of this week, relief awaits—but, if I trust in Him on the journey, then peace will be my companion and all glory will be His!