Freedom. When Things Don't Go My Way.

Here’s what I love: Freedom! 

Today we celebrate our country’s freedom.  But I am also thankful for the freedom Christ created—a freedom from the punishment for sin.  My sinful thoughts and actions are so ugly at times (just wait ‘til you read about my selfishness in this post), that I can see why sin deserves punishment and death.  But, miraculously, I will escape that punishment.  Jesus washes my sins away.  Now, that’s something to celebrate! 

Now read my tale of a day (earlier this week) when I wallowed in my own misery and forgot that with freedom comes responsibility.

Here’s what I hate: when things don’t go my way.

Come on, you know you hate that too.

From a things-not-going-as-planned standpoint, today was particularly bad—somewhat comical at times, but still bad.

Here is how I envisioned the day going—

Go to the YMCA to work out.

Go to the grocery store.

Come home to eat lunch.

Start the laundry.

Go to the pool and play the rest of the day!

(I lead a charmed life, I know.  Try to overlook that and feel my pain.)

The trip to the Y went as planned.  The grocery store run also went fairly smoothly except for the six or seven times that Alexis hit me in the ankles with her mini-grocery cart.  We also ended up with not one, but TWO sugary snacks that I never would have purchased had I not had the girls with me. 

I digress.

After the grocery store, we ended up needing gas which led to a quick run through the carwash because A.) my car needed it and B.) the girls LOVE the carwash.  They are easily amused….like their mother.

Finally, we got home and unloaded the groceries.  Since the outside of the car was so sparkly-clean, I made the girls Windex the finger prints off of the inside of the windows and get all of their trash out of the back seat. 

While none of these little chores was on my list when I woke up this morning, it was great to get them accomplished.  But, in the back of my mind, I was relishing the thought of an afternoon splashing in the pool after our morning of errands and chores.

After a leisurely lunch, we finally put on our swimming suits to head off to the pool.  The girls were excited and so was I.

As we stepped out our front door with two bags of pool gear and our big, giant pool float in tow, we noticed the dark skies in the distance.  Oh no! I thought!  It’s been like a thousand degrees here and sunny every single day, but now, when we want to go to the pool, it looks like it’s about to rain!  Why?!  (Because I got my car washed of course, but don’t say that.)

We saw our good friends walking back from the pool. 

“We heard thunder.” They declared.

Oh no!  This sealed our fate.  We might be able to still go to the pool if it’s drizzling or cloudy, but we can’t go if it’s a true thunderstorm lest we be instantly electrocuted when lighting strikes our pool.

We headed back in the house to wait it out.

Actually, I should have been happy to see the impending storm coming.  You see, our poor, parched countryside is desperately in need of rain.  However, I was not happy that the rain was choosing this particular day to arrive. 

I was disappointed that my vision for a sunny afternoon of pool play was now postponed.

But, I did not handle my disappointment well.  I pouted like a thirteen year-old spoiled brat.  Then, I punched my pillow like a two year old throwing a temper tantrum.  Seriously.  I did that.  After about the 3^rd punch, I realized how completely ridiculous it was to be so angry that I couldn’t go to the pool today.  I mean, get a grip Elisabeth!  So, I then vented (via text) like a thirty-something wife to her oh-so-understanding husband. 

Luckily, the girls handled their disappointment better than I did.  They got dressed again, ready for whatever alternative plan I could come up with. 

I had nothing.  I was too upset. (I was focusing on what I wasn’t getting.) 

I checked the radar and after about an hour of waiting, it looked fairly clear, so we suited up again.  We loaded up our shoulders with pool bags and floats again and started out the front door again.

Thunder rumbled AGAIN.

It was a little funny—but it was making me mad.

This time when we came back inside, the girls went out on the deck and began making water balloons.  They had the best time with those silly water balloons.  We ended up with a pretty happy afternoon after all—made even better when Daddy came home early from work to join in the water balloon fun. 

What did I learn from this whole nutty day? 

Well, for starters, I don’t handle change-of-plans type stuff very well.  I’ve known this for a while actually.  But, my ability to control my disappointment and bad attitude varies.  Today, the hulk showed up and immaturely took swats at my pillow.  That sounds like I have some serious anger management issues.  Punching my pillow because of the weather?  Yikes!  I do need help.

And that’s the key.

I need help.  I need help managing life’s struggles and disappointments.  I need even more help changing my heart. Without Jesus, I can do nothing!

My ugly response today was a symptom—a sign pointing to the fact that I am sick.  Sick with a sin called selfishness.  Like many terminal illnesses, some days are better than others.  Some days, I am strong and healthy in my responses to life’s curve balls.  Those are the days when I am abiding in Christ, letting Him shine through me.  On those days, I care about the poor, I pray for orphans, I am thankful and loving and generous and easygoing. 

Even as I saw my hideous display for what it was: well, hideous—I couldn’t quite shake my bad attitude and disappointment.  I did finally manage a prayer asking forgiveness for my ridiculous actions and for help in making the day fun for the girls.  It was somewhere in there that the water balloons came out and the day got all jiggly and giggly.

Life is not always going to go according to my plan.  (Duh.)

I can get mad about it.  (A lot of good that does).  Or, I can ask for help handling my disappointment.  I can pray for wisdom in recognizing how immature my actions are.  I can accept change and difficulty as God’s loving refinement and remember that He always has a better plan than I do.

So, if things aren’t going your way today, maybe God’s kicking you off the throne of your life and requesting your submission to His plan.  It may not be exactly what you envisioned, but it could possibly be that it’s not about you. 

Today, someone in our area needed rain (would I seriously wish draught on a farmer so that I could go to the pool!?)  Today, I needed to learn a lesson.  Today, we needed to stay home and discover the simple fun of water balloons.  

How about you? Do you have a hard time when things don't go your way?