I am Not Awesome

I got a shower cap in my stocking one Christmas.

Here’s what I love: I am NOT awesome.

Take your pick from the following examples of my own goofy ineptness.  I look like a fool much of the time.

1.     “Trash Bin Scare”~~A few days ago, I was taking a trash bag out to our outside trash bin.  This is a daunting task because I know that every manner of wild animal gnaws into these trash bins in the night and I always feel that one can still be lurking in there when I approach.  This leads me to open the lid as quickly as possible, throw the bag in, and run like crazy back towards the house.  Except for the other day when I turned to run, the leaves beneath my flip-flops caused my feet to slide so that I ended up running in place like a cartoon character and finally tripping before successfully making it up the stairs to the deck.  Not awesome.

2.     “Moth Attack”~~This may have been the same day as the trash bin fiasco, so apparently I was a bit jumpy that day.  Anyway, I was in our bathroom innocently applying my eye-liner.  I felt something in my hair near my temple and when I lightly patted that area (whilst still holding my eye-liner pencil), a moth flew out of my hair!  I’m not kidding.  Who knows how long it had been there.  (Yes, I do bathe occasionally.)  The moth then proceeded to try to go back to it’s cozy home in my long locks which led me to swat at my own head like a crazy person.  I am not making this up.  Are you picturing it?  Me with eye-liner pencil still in hand smacking myself in the head in an attempt to kill or at least scare the little moth away.  Not awesome.

3.     “Bumbling Blueberries”~~Last week, before a trip to San Diego, I went to get a pedicure.  This is one of my favorite indulgences mainly because of the ultra-comfortable massage chairs that you get to sit in while they soak your feet.  Before I go to the nail salon, I usually get a coffee to sip while my feet are getting pampered.  This time, I also purchased a blueberry scone since I had not eaten breakfast.  Half way into my pedicure, I was nibbling my delicious scone as discretely as possible by breaking off little bits of it to put into my mouth in the most lady-like way possible.  Basically, I did not want anyone to notice me eating the scone.  That’s when it happened.  The massage chair cycled into vibrate mode right as I lifted the crumbly bit of scone towards my mouth.  This led to my entire body shaking as if I was operating a jackhammer.  Do you think I could actually get that scone into my mouth?  So much for being discrete.  Again, not awesome.

So, take your pick, I am far from awesome.  In fact, even if I wasn’t a crazed, bumbling, cartoon character, I would not be awesome.  

On my best days when I am a selfless, loving wife, wise yet very fun mama, thoughtful friend, diligent worker, talented writer, I am STILL not awesome.

Why do I say this? Because, it has come to my attention that we misuse the word “awesome.”  I liked the way one guy put it in his entry into the on-line Urban Dictionary:  

An overused adjective intended to denote something as "cool" or "great" but instead winds up meaning "lame."

You see, the word awesome does have an actual meaning other than it’s unfortunate place in our American slang.

The dictionary defines awesome as:

extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear. 

With synonyms being:

breathtaking, inspiring, magnificent, wonderful, amazing, stunning, staggering, imposing, stirring, impressive.

You see, that phone is not awesome. That cupcake is not awesome.  That TV show is not awesome.  Your cat is not awesome.  My trip/house/meal/pizza/book/joke/rug is not awesome! Further more, I am not awesome.  In fact, none of us are.  The example used by one on-line dictionary was:

"the awesome power of the atomic bomb"

While that weapon of mass destruction could indeed be described as "staggering", "imposing", and "impressive", it is only one aspect of what “awesome” truly means because awesome also refers to something good and wonderful.

In fact, there is only One who is extremely impressive and daunting--only One who inspires both great admiration and apprehension. 

God.

God is awesome.

All of His works are awesome.

God’s presence is awesome.

God’s very name is awesome.

God’s appearance is awesome.

God’s army is awesome.

God’s deeds towards men are awesome.

You see, the word “awesome” should be reserved for God alone.

Soooo, while it will be extremely difficult for me to reach into my vocabulary and choose a different adjective for my pizza/vacation/purse, I am going to do my best to be a little more conscientious about uttering the word “awesome.”   

How about you?  What do you think is awesome?