Losing My Cool. Christ Strengthens Me.

Here’s what I hate: losing my cool in public.

Here’s the scene—we were in Michael’s.  I was waiting my turn in the custom frame department.  My two children had had Pepsi at lunch.  With caffeine pumping through their veins, they could hardly stand still, let alone behave in this quiet store setting. 

Nevertheless, I wanted robot children who would wait quietly to the side and not touch anything, make any noise, or misbehave in any way.  They were allowed to breathe. 

What I got was rude, wild crazies who treated the frame department like a playground.

Alexis had found a silk flower on the ground.  What do you do with a silk flower when you are a seven year old hyped up on Pepsi? You throw it at your sister’s face of course.

What do you do if your little sister throws a silk flower at you?  You throw it spitefully into the back room of the frame department where Alexis knows she’s not allowed to go.  (Why they somehow managed to obey the tiny sign that said “Employees Only” but couldn’t obey my repeated commands to “stop it girls”, I will never know.)

The silk flower was all of a sudden very precious to Alexis and she wanted it back!  I saw Abigail’s sassy face as she smirked at Alexis that “she would never get it now” and I lost it.

I stomped over to them, instructed Abigail to “get that flower now!” Handed it to Alexis and then reamed my oldest for being so crazy and then cruel to her sister!  “That was so mean, Abigail, now you may not have your friend over tonight, you, you—Brat!”

Yep, I called my daughter a name right there in the middle of Michael’s.

The nice lady working in the frame department had no doubt heard my tirade and looked compassionately at my poor, abused children.  But, she calmly asked if she could help me with my frame order.

In spite of my cruel outburst, my children STILL continued to misbehave while I attempted to decide on a frame for some prints.

When I was finally finished, I led my miscreant children out of the store (no, I did not pull them by their ears).

Once in the car, I gave them another lecture—and mid lecture, I realized that I should be giving myself a lecture as well—round about the time I asked Abigail why she would keep ignoring me and do something so mean to her sister. 

Why?  Because she’s a sinner.  We all are.  Why indeed do I continue to loose my temper when I’ve so often resolved not to!? 

I know why—because we are all sinners.  We all suck at being good.  I even called Abigail a brat for Pete sake!  I am a hideous mother at times.  We all have our moments of awfulness though and we all desire to do better.

That’s what New Year’s is all about, right?  A nice clean sheet of paper to “do better” this time.  So, round about December 30^th, we might start looking at all that blank, clean loveliness out ahead of us and we might start planning on how to do it better.

“Well,” we say to ourselves, “I am definitely going to eat better.  No fatty foods in nice, clean 2013! No way.  And less dessert too.  Oh, but more exercise!  Definitely need to do more of that!  That will make my nice, clean year look great!” 

Why all the healthy eating and exercise?  The real reason?? Simple.  I want to look good. 

I want to look good. Oh, and feel good too.  (And be around for my kids and all that jazz.)

What else…Oh, I should be more organized.  Closets will get cleaned out in 2013!  Items will go on my calendar in advance.  No more paper stacks cluttering up my counters.  That’s a good resolution.  Organization!  Why?  Well, so that I can look like I have it all together of course.  I want to have it all together.

We are determined (resolved!) to make this year different—we don’t want it cluttered, disorganized, unfit, flabby, and unhealthy like last year was. 

These things are all aimed at self-improvement.  

SELF.  

So many resolutions are made

by ourselves (we don’t even tell anyone we are making them) and

for ourselves, (so that we can be admired as good).  Not only that, so many resolutions require self-motivation and self-control to keep them.

What about resolutions made for other people?  Occasionally, some of us do make more noble resolutions such as spending more time with family, being home for dinner, staying in better touch with loved ones, or losing our tempers less.  I think these are the types of resolutions more worthy of our attention. 

I think that we could all stand a little less self and a little more concern for others.  You know, other people—those who share our air, consume some brain space (when we aren’t thinking of ourselves) and often occupy our hearts and cause us to actually function outside of our selfish desires.   Ah, yes, them. 

Perhaps I could make resolutions about the year 2013 which would benefit others. 

I’d like to resolve to listen better.  Really listen to people.  Look them in the eye and see what they are feeling as they speak.  I want to take to heart what they say, remember it, and check back with them. 

And I’ve already mentioned that I’d like to resolve to not lose my temper anymore. And since I’ve so candidly written about my temper and poor mothering skills before, I am sure you think I am in need of anger-management classes or something. 

Well, I am definitely in need of something.

All resolutions need power behind them.

In the Old Testament, God showed the people two paths.  One leading to death and the other to life.  The one that led to life was found by doing three things: loving the Lord your God, obeying His voice, and holding fast to Him. 

I’d like to resolve to do those three things in 2013 and beyond.  Love God, Obey His voice, and cling to Him. 

But in the day to day, all three of these can get tricky—am I loving God much when I think of myself more often than I think of Him?  And am I perfectly obeying His voice in all that I do?  And I find myself clinging to what the world offers rather than holding fast to God.

You see, I fail at even the most noble of resolutions. 

That is why I need Jesus.

Jesus came that we might have life.  Actually, HAVE life.  Because obviously, with the choices set plainly before us, we (like the Israelites) still choose the curse rather than the blessing.  We still forget God, disobey, and cling to our own desires.

He came so that I might have life.  Have it outright.  No three step program.  No do this to get that.  No do better and then you can get in. 

Simply accept.  Believe in His sacrifice and resurrection to receive eternal life.

If Jesus is the doorway to life in heaven, could He perhaps be the answer to living life on earth as well? 

If I can’t get into heaven on my own merit, why on earth do I think I can live a good, clean, shiny life on my own resolved effort?

If it were up to my own strength, I would never stop yelling at my children.  In fact, I would become worse out of frustration.  But, if I lean on Christ and accept His strength offered in each trying moment, then truly I will see a marked improvement in my heart and in my actions.  I know this to be true because He has helped me in other areas.

And so, in 2013, I do not resolve to “do better” but instead, I resolve to do less.  Do less under my own strength that is.  Because,,,

Here’s what I love: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

1 Peter 4:11

¹¹ Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.