Lecturing My Daughter

On Fridays, the snow cone truck comes to my daughter’s middle school at lunchtime.  This is a fun, overpriced treat for any kid who wants to pony up $3 to get a snow cone. 

A few Fridays ago, my daughter got home from school and I was asking her about her day. Then, I realized that I had intended to pay her for her chores for the week so that she could have $3 for a snow cone, but I had forgotten.

“Ohhh, baby, I forgot to give you your money to get a snow cone.” I wailed sympathetically. 

“It’s okay,” she shrugged, Coco loaned me the money to get one.  “I told her I’d pay her back.” 

“Okay,” I said skeptically.  “Well, you better actually pay her back since you said you would.”

“I will.”  She promised emphatically.

The next week, I asked her if she had paid her friend back the money.

“No, I keep forgetting.” She answered.

“Well, please go upstairs right now and get your money to pay her back today.”

When she came back down with a $5 dollar bill, I continued my lecture about how important it is to do what you say.  If she said she was going to pay Coco back, then she better do it.  I included bits about character and keeping your word etc. etc. 

I’m pretty sure she heard none of it.

Because, later that day, she was telling me about the Snickers, popcorn, and coke she got to buy. 

“You got all of that for $2 dollars?” I marveled, assuming she had paid Coco back $3.

“Oh, um, no…I asked Coco and she said I didn’t have to pay her back.”

This caused a major “ugh” and an eye-roll out of me.

“Baby,”  I began with my teeth gritted and then took a deep breath.  “After that whole lecture I gave you about doing what you say you’ll do??—I’m very disappointed in you.”

I continued my lecture in the car on the way to school the next day.

I instructed her that the only way it was okay to not pay Coco back was if she waved $3 in front of Coco’s face and Coco wouldn’t take it and insisted the snow cone was a gift. 

“You don’t ask someone if they really want you to pay them back, because they are going to try to be polite and shrug it off.”

Abbey stared straight ahead.  “Okay.”  She mumbled.

I continued anyway.  “Now, this little escapade is going to cost you $8 because you WILL get $3 more from your room and you WILL pay her back even though you spent $5 on crap!”  (Yes, I said ‘crap’—I had to make a strong point.)

Abbey’s eyes widened slightly at my harsh language.

I softened my voice.  “I just want you to do what you say you’ll do, Abigail.  That’s called character.”

“Yes Ma’am.”  She said with somewhat fake enthusiasm since we had arrived at school and she just wanted to get out of the car and be done with this lecture.

I gave her a hug and she exited the car looking very deflated and yet indifferent to my pleadings to have strong character.    I watched her walk into school and felt simultaneously sad and irritated.

Then, I went to hike with a friend.  An hour later, when I got back in the car after my hike, I was thinking through the rest of my day and realized that I would drive right by my daughter’s school on my way to Trader Joe’s.  The Lord gave me an idea.  I checked my purse.  I had just enough money.

I drove excitedly to the school.  What I was about to do did not seem consistent with the discipline about Abbey’s character that I was dishing out earlier.  You see, I had decided to give her eleven dollars.  What?!  Why eleven dollars??  Well, after my hike, I randomly remembered that the Chinese teacher had arranged for Chinese food to be served at lunchtime, but the cost was five dollars.  That’s five, plus the tree she owed Coco, PLUS, three more because it was again snow cone day. 

Yes, you heard me right.  After berating her for NOT paying her friend back and after insisting that she use her own money for snow cones, I was about to hand her eleven dollars for free. 

So, I hurried into the front office when I arrived at school and asked the secretary to call Abbey’s classroom and send her up to the office.  The secretary complied and spoke with whoever answered the phone in the classroom asking them to send Abbey to the main office.

I leaned excitedly against the counter looking towards the door for her arrival.  Several minutes went by.

Other people came and went.

The secretary saw me standing there and called the classroom again.  Whoever answered said they’d send Abbey down.

So, I stepped into the hallway to wait. 

I kept thinking I’d see her come around the corner at any moment.

After five forever minutes, I peeked in the office window and the secretary ended up paging Abbey over the intercom system.  “Abbey Cutrer please come to the main office.”

I was a bit impatient.  Where was she?!  Was she ignoring the summons? Was she not hearing the calls?  If she only knew why she was being called to the office, she’d probably be very quick to come. 

Finally, the secretary suggested I get a visitor’s sticker and go look for her.  I had this same idea myself and quickly signed the book and got my pass. 

I found the entire sixth grade outside in the lovely sunshine signing yearbooks. (That is why she didn’t hear the summons to the office.)

But, I had found her, so I asked to see her over to the side for a minute.  She left her group of friends and apprehensively walked my direction.

Then, I handed her five dollars.  “This is for Chinese food today.”

Then, I handed her three more dollars.  “This is to pay Coco back.”

Grace: unmerrited favor in the face of deserved wrath.

Then, I handed her three more dollars.  “This is for a snow cone today if you want one.”

Abbey looked amazed as she took each small stack of one-dollar bills. 

She looked up at me.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I wanted to give you a little grace.”  I answered after a pause.  (I should have thought more about why I was doing this.)

She thanked me sincerely, but then quickly rejoined her friends. 

I didn’t do it for the thanks.  I didn’t even do it for the amazement I saw on her face.  I did it just because I wanted to.

From the moment the idea hit my brain after my hike that morning, I knew this is what God does for us.

He instructs us on our character through His Word in the Bible. 

He disciplines us through the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

He shows us what we’ve done wrong.

He explains to us the debt we owe.

And then, He comes to visit us.

He calls our name multiple times.

(If we knew why He was there, we’d never delay.) 

But, if we don’t hear the call, He comes to us.

He finds us.

Then, He gives us what we do not deserve.

We might respond with awe and thanks, but what He really wants us to comprehend is the depth of His love.  Just because.